WoodenSpoon

Owy related this story in an email

So often, after something happens you think, “I wish I’d said…”. Well this time the whole situation unfolded without me even thinking about it but when I thought about it afterwards there was really no better way I could have handled it.

I’ll start by giving a quick run-down of the week leading up to last Thursday, when the incident in question happened. I’m currently in training for the apocalypse so last week I rode 50km and swam 5km. I’ve always liked a bit of sport and done a fair bit of riding to work but lately I’ve hooked up with some guys who swim at lunch time. I have a fairly light build and find that I put on weight as I do more exercise.

So it’s the end of the work-day and I’m lounging on the grass next to the bus stop, I had my bike helmet on (and gloves) - not trying to impress anyone, I put my bike on the bus for half the trip (otherwise I’d be riding about 150km each week I’m not even sure cycling will help when the apocalypse comes).

So I’m zoning out a bit and next I notice this girl in a car waiting to turn right, about 10 metres away. She’s staring at me and I just keep staring back, “aren’t you supposed to be driving a car?”, I’m thinking. Then I see her lips move and say, “fuck off…”, she thinks I can’t understand so in return I mouth the words, “I can lip read, you know”. Now it’s on and the window is down and she’s saying “what did you say?!”

I say: I can lip read, you know

She says: what did you say?

I say: I can lip read, you know… that’s all I said.

She fires up and says: What did I say then?

I say: “Don’t worry”, and wave.

But no she’s still not backing down, she insists: What did I say?

So I call her bluff, saying: “Fuck off… you said fuck off!”

She suddenly looks a bit sheepish and says: …ah… I said you’re fat… (trailing off in embarrassment)

Even with my helmet, gloves and jacket we all know I don’t look fat… I was starting to feel hungry again after swimming at lunchtime. By this time I’m smiling - I know what she said, she knows she got caught being a stupid rude person. She starts to put her window back up but loses it a bit, (remember? - you’re driving a car) and drives off - I stare at her as she drives off but she doesn’t look back.

Then the bus came, I got on and thought about what I should have said… but then I realised that nothing I could have said would have nailed that situation any better and I start to smile again. I think it made my day.

Owy = 1
Bogan chick = 0
Yay!